The next morning, Amane woke up while feeling groggy, and sensed a warmth next to him, which usually did not happen.
It was May, but the mornings were still cold. He instinctively hugged the pile of warmth. Once he clung onto it, he slowly opened his eyes.
And the first thing he saw was the person he had a crush on.
He nearly shrieked, but he did not want to wake up the sleeping Mahiru in his clutches, and stopped himself with his little remaining sanity, swallowing back the urge to yell out loud.
He gingerly looked towards the girl in his clutches again, hearing the thumping drum that was his heart.
She was the pretty girl called Mahiru, no two ways about it.
That innocent, harmless, completely relaxed sleeping face was so angelic, sacred looking even.
“Man she’s cute.” he noted as he saw her sleeping with a smile, and was cupping his head in frustration as he was at a loss of what to do. It was a metaphor however, for he was actually embracing her.
…I lost to my desire and used Mahiru as a bolster. There’s no way we can sleep on a single bed though.
Mahiru had thoroughly devastated Amane’s sanity, and he unwittingly used Mahiru as a bolster, and even kissed her on the forehead. There was no way Amane would have made such a decision if he was his usual self.
Mahiru was like a little devil, wearing his sanity down till this point with such doting love. He could not use this as an excuse though, probably.
Mahiru was overly careless to think Amane as a harmless coward, someone she was safe with. Amane lost to his desires. They both shared responsibility. Amane would blame Mahiru, but he had to reflect on his own actions.
He took a deep sigh, and started to think about how he should deal with Mahiru in his clutches.
He did not know when…probably when she was asleep, but Mahiru was rested on his elbow. If he tried to pry her away, she would wake up.
He hesitated over whether he should wake Mahiru when she was sleeping in this state. he wanted to, and nag a few words, but the malicious desire to keep looking crept up on him.
He had a feeling that he had fallen as a degenerate of a man the moment he was never able to discard his desires immediately, which he should have.
Early in the morning and Amane realized how he was loyal to his desires, which left him disappointed. Mahiru might have noticed that Amane had woken up, or perhaps she was an early riser to begin with as she slowly twitched her body.
Amane was frozen, unable to move. He was wondering how he should explain this to Mahiru, and certain soft objects were pressing on him as she had just leaned over.
Mahiru did not let go of Amane, and clung firmly as she reached her hand out, seemingly seeking something.
The lumps between them were contorted by the pressure, and Amane sensed he was at his limit as he pried away from her, hopped off, caught his breath, and slammed his head onto the wall.
He slammed it repeatedly, purging the looming desires from his mind.
He sensed that Mahiru had woken up behind him, but he chose to ignore as he was busy smashing his head and purging his desires.
A vague, sweet voice arose from behind.
Amane turned around to see Mahiru seated up, her head tilted. She looked a little messy as she had just woken up, yet this messy look had an innocent alluring charm which left him unable to look.
In any case, it would be bad if he met her in the eyes. Again Amane slammed his head against the wall.
Dull bangs could be heard as he used too much force, and pain followed. Amane felt it might be an appropriate punishment for himself at this point.
“Good morning…what are you doing?”
“Hitting my head.”
“I feel ashamed of myself.”
Amane continued to purge his thoughts by killing off his brain cells, and Mahiru seemed to feel confused too. “Nnn…?” She made such a sleepy sound, and wrapped her arms around his waist to stop him, pulling her back.
She was embracing him tightly in this posture, and he really wanted her to stop.
“You don’t have any thoughts about both of us being on the same bed?”
Amane groaned, and Mahiru’s thoughts froze for a moment.
After a little moment, she slammed her head into Amane’s back.
It did not hurt, but Amane understood Mahiru’s confusion and embarrassment behind him.
“Let me make this clear, I didn’t do anything.”
It was obvious given their situation. Mahiru probably was not physically hurting, and surely would understand.
“…Anyway, can you please move away a bit? Erm, I want to apologize properly. A-and, your chest’s touching, so please don’t cling onto me…”
Amane was pleading away at the end. Mahiru too might have felt it was a bad thing, and hurriedly pulled away.
Once the softness and warmth on his back vanished, Amane momentarily felt it was a pity, and was inevitably ashamed of his own thoughts.
He was angsty due to his own desires, and turned around so as not to show them.
Mahiru was shivering, blushing completely.
She was not looking terrified, just embarrassed, which really left him relieved.
Amane moved away from Mahiru, and got in a seiza before her, his fingers on the floor as he kowtowed in apology.
“Sorry for yesterday.”
Amane felt he should apologize the for the previous.
He positioned himself, got in a dogeza, and sensed Mahiru’s frantic breath near his head.
“I-it is fine. I should be the one apologizing for yesterday. E-erm, looking at this, it seems you brought me to the bed…Amane-kun?”
“It’s my fault…”
“I decided that we’d sleep on the same bed. You can tell me off.”
Normally speaking, nobody would choose to sleep by the side. In fact, at the end of last year, Amane slept on the sofa, and felt it was reasonable.
It was truly ungentlemanly of him to sleep on the same bed as someone he was not dating.
Ultimately, he used Mahiru as a bolster. It was no laughing matter.
“I used you as a bolster while you’re sleeping on the same bed. I should be the one at fault.”
“N-no…I took the bed too. We have to share the responsibility.”
“Say, do you understand that you shared a bed with a guy over a single night? What would you have done if I did the thing?”
The only reason he did not do so was because he was Amane. Any other guy would surely have done so whether she was asleep…or rather, when she was asleep.
“A-Amane-kun, you said you will do so when I agree to.”
“Look, I might not ask if I lose my sanity. Be careful. Seriously, you’re too defenseless that it’s scaring me.”
“Do you think…I will sleep carelessly in anyone’s house…?”
Once he heard that question, Amane lifted his head, and found Mahiru staring at him silently.
There was a pleading glint in those honest eyes.
Amane could not understand the emotions contained within, but he could tell that Mahiru looked a little hurt.
“I-I don’t really think so.”
“I trust you, Amane-kun. I will only sleep before you…”
Mahiru’s breathing was a little frantic as she concluded. Naturally, the heat rose up Amane’s face.
Was her explanation not implying that she liked Amane, felt he was special, and could be careless around him?
Given her attitude the previous day, and her delirious alluring state, Amane started to think that she had feelings for him.
He knew that she would usually respect his personality. However, there was a chance that she might love him as a partner. The moment he thought so, the blood gushed to his cheeks.
Amane was speechless as Mahiru’s words shocked him greatly, and his eyes swam about.
…Is it really fine for me to take it that she likes me?
That was the intent Amane felt from her attitude, so he was confused and flustered.
If he was wrong, he might not be able to laugh at all. He would be so devastated to the point of death. He dared not make a conclusion, but looking at her attitude the previous day, perhaps it was fine for him to harbor a little hope.
“…I-I understand this. But this doesn’t that you can just sleep in front of me like this. I’m a guy…you know?”
But no matter the feelings Mahiru had for Amane, such carelessness was a no go.
Once she heard this, Mahiru turned her head aside.
“…You would have done so already if you could, Amane-kun. I thought you would not do anything.”
“You’re saying this?”
Amane ruffled his hair with a hand, and sighed.
…She only does it before me, but that can’t do.
That was because she did it in front of Amane.
Amane had fallen head over heels for Mahiru. If she remained so defenseless, there would surely be a day when he would lose control. It would be bad for both sides if they were to continue like this.
Amane reached his hand towards her, thinking that she would not understand unless she experienced it personally.
He gently, yet abruptly, pushed down Mahiru, and leaned on her.
The flowing flax-colored hair scattered upon the bedsheet like water.
The white ocean was gradually turned a flowing flax-colored, and it was an unspeakably beautiful scene.
Mahiru was dumbfounded as it was too sudden. Amane then smiled and said.
“…I’m just an ordinary guy. I have my desires. I’m just good at enduring it.”
Amane usually contained himself, ensuring that Mahiru would never notice his desires. He too had his desires as a man.
He hid himself so that Mahiru would not be hurt. His sanity and the common sense from his upbringing had him braking hard, for without them, his desires would be easily revealed.
It was Mahiru who did not understand this logic.
“If you tease me too much…you know right?”
Amane put his face so close to her, they could feel their breaths. Mahiru’s eyes then swam about, before she closed her eyes.
She was blushing and quivering, unable to look at him directly as she was ashamed.
She looked like a pitiful rabbit who was caught by its predator.
He quickly lifted his face as he felt it was inappropriate to bully her too much, and moved aside.
“…Be careful. Who knows what I’ll do next time.”
He touched her face, and she quivered harder than before. With a wry smile, Amane got off the bed.
“I’ll wash my face. Hurry up and wake up.”
Once again, Amane deliberately brought his face to her ear. Once he saw her shiver again, he chuckled, and went to the washroom.
He arrived at the washroom, had a look into the mirror, and realized that he too was blushing, not much better than Mahiru. He grumbled a little, and turned the faucet.