Hellping

September 2018 Announcements

Well, looking at how barren this site is, so be it. I don’t bother with promoting my stuff nowadays, and have mostly secluded myself from the LN translation community.

We’re moving into the final phase of my light novel fan translating era. Thus begins the end with the first volume of Sunday Without God, or Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi. it’s on the site.

As I have said, this is the final series I hope to release before I leave for good. I know this is a selfish request from me, that publishers have no need to heed my plea, but I do want to finish this one as a parting gift before I leave.

So as I play the Twinkle Twinkle Little Star melody from Your Lie in April, I shall struggle to convey what I am about to say.

I suppose I should come clean about one thing though. This involves the main motivation for me translating all these years.

 

The main reason, truth be told, is that I have a pretty severe case of depression. If you ask when I have it, I suppose it has been there for at least 15 years. Somehow, I’m still highly functional, but I’m not sure how long I can last.

Thus, my translating habit, not hobby, is mostly a coping mechanism for me to distract myself. I wouldn’t call it an obsession, but a distraction, yes. Acceptance by others is a fourth necessity for humans after all.

And my workaholic tendencies, I might say, is to distract myself from my depression issues.

I do know that I’m a ticking time bomb. If I have to say, it’s not as much of a depression as much as it is aa repression. Suicide has never been a thought, because let’s face it, it’ll be messy to clean up afterwards, I have no active urge to die immediately, and I’m too aloof to even think about killing myself. I do however feel disappointed to wake up alive every day.

Thus, the themes of Kamiinai in particular appealed to me, the living, the dead, and wishes. Why I chose it as my last project, I suppose, is for therapeutic purposes. The lyrics of the opening ‘Birth’ in particular appeals to me.

Also, Magdala in particular was chosen because my personality is exactly like Kusla, seeking his raison d’etre, always feeling like an outcast to the world, yet having to roam and survive the world. Truth be told, while appearing like both a riajuu and otaku, I don’t feel like I belong to each label particularly. Thus, why I chose these niche series is simply because I don’t feel the need for appeal. (Though at least two thirds of them get licensed anyway) I would say that I am aloof to the world, the ‘and then what’ mentality, and the feeling of void I subconsciously choose to keep. It’s not really a void now that I’m still translating, but I do know that I can’t keep fan translating forever, and I don’t feel any particular satisfaction from finishing any volume, so yeah, it is a void to me.

Each project added to this site was chosen due to particular reasons, mostly because how they appeal to me. Bokushinu deals with the themes of life and death in a romcom, Magdala deals with outcasts trying to survive the world, 86 mainly deals with convictions, Hikaru deals with an outcast prodded out of his shell, Strangled deals with a character turning his delusions into benefits.

Thus is my lack of interest in acquainting myself to other fan translations (and even official), like mindless hentai works done by those depraved, series that are dropped due to low reader count (and lack of ‘donations’), isekais obsessions just because your life is terrible and you need solace, the need to imprint yourself in another character to feel like you’re in control of stuff.

Of course, that’s just me ranting at the clouds. I do consider myself the elder statesman in this little niche after all. Sometimes I do feel that I’m so different from others, I’m not human.

But well, enough moping around, since I’m still alive, begrudgingly.

So…here we go.

 

One 86 volume 3 coming up.

11 comments

  1. quite a nice rant, lol.
    > and lack of ‘donations’
    haha, everytime

    Be it just a habit or distraction, I’m thankful with your efforts translating these wonderful novels. looking forward to your final phase, adv thanks for the meals~

  2. Well, I don’t know what tp say particularly, but I guess I should show my gratitude toward for all you’ve done. Thanks you for your great light novel translation. Looking forward to your last projects.

  3. good luck with stuff and i appreciate u finishing up before ‘retiring’ ,thanks for sating my reading habits,probably more depressed without my fix of fiction.anyways sayonara in advance and i’ll look forward to your final works.

  4. I know the state of mental health care and the attitude towards it is pretty dismal in Southeast Asia, but seriously consider seeing a doctor. Depression is at the end of the day a chemical imbalance in the brain and medical attention is something that can help.

    All the best and thank you for the laughs over the years.

  5. As I’ve said before, thank you for your work.

    I feel that someway or another all of us who drown ourselves in this world, of manga and light novels, are escaping some nightmare outside. Much as you wrote to stave away our depression, I read what was translated to stave off my depression (and, sometimes, I literally kept myself alive through the sheer wish to read a bit more).

    It’s a bit self-absorbed to write all these things in this comment section, but I wanted to show you that whatever the reason you decided to write, it has reached others in a meaningful way.

    I feel a bit sad with the Isekai fare because it is too blunt, too lacking in refinement; it is pure raw desire transformed into shitty prose – that is, as they say, pure wish fulfillment. Whereas the more niche things, whilst they do still have a bit of this aspect (like, say, Kamimemo, which does present an idealized relationship between the main pair), it is not overwhelming; they feel more human.

    Whatever though may come to be, I want thank you for the work you have done.

  6. Thank you for your work. You’ve introduced many absolutely outstanding novels to me, an elder statesman of a wonderful niche. Eternally grateful, and God bless.

  7. Thanks for all the hard work you’ve done. I know it might not amount to much but I wish that one day I could meet you in person and thank you for all that you’ve done for us and the community. A lot of the things you’ve done have definitely helped me cope with my day to day and I truly hope to thank you for all the hard work.

  8. I’ll be sad to see you go, man. I’ve been reading your translations for at least half a decade, I think. I wish you well and I’ll be looking forward to your last project. And thanks by the way, for everything.

  9. Sorry to hear about your depression ping hope you get some help. Thanks for all the series over the years, Hikaru in particular.

    Looking forward to 86 and Kamiinai.

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